What goes up, must fall down. But when you're down, you get right back up. Then again, that's so much easier said than done.
Fall season has always been one of my favorites. However, somehow this year, I'm feeling so extra overwhelmed. Hence feeling like there's so much weighing me down. I must admit that the strengths I prided myself in the past are areas where I feel I can barely get by in the present. Those skills included multi-tasking, organization, attention to detail, thoughtfulness, resiliency, and resourcefulness/creativity (I was once a Peace Corps volunteer who had to make the most with very little! Happy to answer questions about that if you have any.)
I used to think those were the greatest things about me. That it's what made my friends love me and my snail mail in the digital age, family enjoy the perfect gifts I picked for them, and what's driven me to achieve my goals and some of the toughest hurdles I've crossed (travel, learning a new language, heart break, grad school, so on and so forth.)
Now I look around me and don't see myself the way I thought I'd be by now. That included a marriage fit for the rom-coms, white picket fence, corner office, and summer holidays (not vacations, but holidays.) I thought if I just worked hard enough everything would materialize the way it was supposed to be. Wasn't that how it worked?
Instead I find myself utterly unprepared. And I think I just figured out why. I was so good at whatever I did because I only had to think of myself. Now I have my own family to think about, a day job to excel in, and this small biz to keep some passion alive (and build community when I meet cool folks through Sparkly!) Instead of feeling like I'm losing myself, I now see this as a way to learn from who I was and recreate myself for who I want to be: that is, an even better person than before because now I have more people to love and more people to meet. Those are all chances to evolve into a new person. And I can't be a new person if I'm still comparing myself to who I once was.
I know it isn't quite Thanksgiving season yet, but every day is a breath of fresh air waiting for us to live.
This really is a moment of pause and reflection. And in such good time for the upcoming holiday season, whether it be gathering for food, football, presents, prayer, or however you celebrate because everything comes full circle. Especially when it's least expected.
Really hoping you take a moment for yourself to take an extra couple minutes sipping your drink of choice, painting your nails, doing your hair, reading an extra chapter, another Netflix episode (just one more!), or liking a couple more posts.
Please share some of your favorite fall traditions or holiday recipes? It'd be great to learn something new.
Grateful for you,
P.S. And oops, I did it again having to use one post to cover a letter update to you for both September and October.